7 Habits: Introduction

Part One: Paradigms and Principles

The first thing that really struck home in this book was the Maturity Continuum, that is: natural human development sees an individual go from:

Dependent –to→ Independent –to→ Interdependent

The idea that independence isn’t the highest goal to be sought but, rather, a step to becoming MORE connected with others sounded odd to me at first. It isn’t really that crazy, though, when put like this:

“Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want through their own effort. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success.”

…which makes perfect sense. Unfortunately…

“Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make. Dependent people cannot choose to become interdependent. They don’t have the character to do it; they don’t own enough of themselves.”

…and I am still at the stage where I see much of what happens in my life as happening TO me, rather than happening because of my actions. So the basic truth is: I need to become independent before I can have solid, meaningful relationships with friends and loved ones. Bummer. I think I already knew this, and it explains a lot of my hermetic tendencies, as well as my interest in self-improvement. The book calls this “Private Victory,” which can then be followed by “Public Victory.” The idea is that you have to own and master your own life (become independent) before you can truly connect with others.

Where the book’s message and my own instincts diverge, however, is in how to include friends and loved ones into the process. For whatever reason (pride, shame, social awkwardness, etc.) I feel that this is something to be figured out BEFORE trying to reach out to friends, whereas the book espouses honestly sharing what I’m learning with friends. We’ll see if I can pull that off without seeming even more self-obsessed than I already do.

Private Victory step 1: BE PROACTIVE!!!